I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
