Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
