you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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