I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just invented taco cereal.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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