You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
