so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
