Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
