for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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