DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
