I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
