she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
