Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
