YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
