I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
