On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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