my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
