I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
