im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
