i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
