In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
