He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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