My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
