Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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