I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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