i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
