I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Shame is for Republicans.
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