last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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