She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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