she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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