Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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