New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm bleeding and have questions
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
