lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
