it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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