Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
