I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
