You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
