Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
