I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
