Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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