Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
