I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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