i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
