Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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