i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
