I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
