what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
