No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
