Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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