Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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