Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
